There are many coffee and tea drinkers who walk among us on this earth and judging from the starbucks/costa/café’s that litter our streets, it looks like they are here to stay. In fact it is common to hear someone say that they are not themselves until they have had their first cup of coffee. I’ll never understand why.
At work people often gather around the kitchen preparing their tea/coffee and it is the perfect place to socialise and catch up with eachother. But then there is the small percentage of people, like me, who don’t drink hot drinks in general.
And because of this I find, I miss out on A LOT of things. The struggle is real people, and life is hard for those of us who chose not to drink steaming hot cups of terror.
I’ve never been a big hot drink, drinker. In fact even when I was younger I absolutely enjoyed hot chocolate, but would patiently wait for it to cool down before drinking it… I know what you’re thinking, “But Jessy, that’s just a milkshake!” but it isn’t, it’s completely different and I won’t be fooled by any imitations of the perfectly cooled hot chocolate.
I think for me, it began when I discovered that my tongue and mouth, is overly sensitive and burns incredibly easily, that discovery added with my overly dramatic fear of my teeth being stained with coffee made me steer clear of the liquid black devil.
Over time I grew a dislike for the taste of coffee and tea (I like iced tea though!) and so I never experienced the euphoria that coffee zombies experience in the morning.
I’ve never had a problem with this; people didn’t even notice that I was not a fan, until my first day of work…
Is there something about coffee and tea that attract people to work? Most people who have office jobs, or any job for that matter are unrecognisable without a coffee in their hands. For the first few weeks of working in my office, people would offer to do the coffee run, in fact sometimes I would offer, not because I was going up for a coffee but because I was so embarrassed that people were thinking I was doing my fair share. One day, after the 10th time I had been asked if I wanted a hot drink that morning alone, I confessed to my manager that I didn’t drink hot drinks, and then had to retell my discovery which I thought was a justified reason why I didn’t drink hot drinks, she didn’t share the same thought, admitted I was weird but accepted me just the same, but she did impart some information on me… others may not feel the same and be as accepting as her. And thus my outlaw life began.
My secret got around the office, and because of this no-one offers me a hot drink anymore, in fact no one offers me a drink at all. Now I feel this is unfair, I don’t discriminate against tea and coffee drinkers so I feel it would be nice to be treated the same. When I get up to get a glass of water, I don’t say, “Would anyone like any water? I’ll get you water but nothing hot, not even hot water.”
Even with this segregation I felt safe. I was able to live my caffeine free life happily and quietly, but my job involves going on visits, doing interviews (sometimes at coffee shops), and going on social meet ups with clients. Often times I am offered a hot drink and I politely decline and say that I just had a cup of coffee before I got to their house, and usually this excuse is okay, they don’t continue to offer me anymore hot drinks. Sometimes I have to give in and ask for a glass of water, or in the case for one of my clients, water is a no-no so I ask for juice or lemonade. You’d think explaining that I didn’t like hot drinks would be a simple and easy thing, but it isn’t and often people get really confused.
I remember one occasion when I politely declined the coffee/tea offer several times and I told them how I had recently had my wisdom tooth removed and told to avoid hot food and beverages for a few days, the lady asked me when I had my tooth removed and I stupidly said ‘last week.’ She then said I was able to have a hot drink and tormented me until I finally asked for a glass of water.
On another occasion, I decided that I was being silly and I was finding it difficult to come up with new excuses why I didn’t want them to make me a hot drink so I decided to just see if I could fake it. Fake the enjoyment of having a hot drink. So I agreed, now I don’t like iced coffee, but do like iced tea so I figured, I may be able to stomach tea. When the dreaded question came up, I happily said I’d love a cup of tea. There I sat, with my piping hot drink of torture when I took a sip, I gagged, the actually gag as if I was being choked. Not only did the liquid of death burn my tongue, it also tasted like dusty cobwebs. I can stomach most things, hell I eat chicken feet for fun (and sustenance), I come from the Philippines where we have a lot of dishes that are only really enjoyed by people with an acquired taste, but this…well it was a whole ‘nother level and try as I could I couldn’t fake it. After that traumatic experience I started to tell people I was allergic to tea and coffee and this excuse has worked well for me since!
I’ll never be tempted to the dark side and start consuming hot drinks of any kind, sometimes my love for chicken and mushroom soup overpowers me but only then do I accept the burnt tongue I get from it to be worth it.
I’m desperately searching for other coffee-tea haters out there, if you are one of us… Please contact me, maybe we could meet up and form a rebellion group? We could all go to a local Starbucks and order an orange juice together, the more seats we take up, the less people are able to drink their hot poison.
Peace and Love
Update: Since this article was written I discovered Pumpkin Spiced Latte and because of this I wish to re-tract my statement. Only to do with the taste of coffee, though full disclosure, Pumpkin Spiced Latte’s do not taste like coffee and I will proudly admit I also request that the barista not make my PSL too hot, to make it as cool as possible and then I wait about 20 minutes before consuming it.