I fell in love with your son in the most unconventional way. Our first meeting was no storybook moment, and most relationships that begin at a club often have horrible endings.
We were two hopeless people who fell hopelessly in love and we had no intention of it happening that way.
I bet I’m not the type of daughter in law you ever wanted or expected. I bet when you saw me you were probably a little disappointed, when you first heard me speak you probably felt even worse. The truth was I was the most nervous I had ever been. Why? Because that first meeting was one of the most important moments of my life and I bet you didn’t even have a clue.
Before I had met you I already wanted to impress you, I wanted to be wonderful and amazing just so that you could feel at ease that your son was in good hands.
But nowadays what can you do to show that someone is in good hands? I mean that can mean a lot of things. He has a roof over his head and food on the table; the basic things every human needs to survive. What do I provide? A loving environment for him to grow and develop as a man. I give him encouragement and support. I share his good days and his bad, we cry together, we laugh together and slowly we’re experiencing adulthood together.
I know you’re not my biggest fan, I know it’s hard for you to like me. I’m not always on my best behaviour and sometimes you may not agree with what I do, but I’d like to think I try to do things that are best for your son and I, if it affects him.
You’ve said some pretty hurtful things to me but I take them on the chin and even though you secretly make me cry and I suffer anxiety attacks before seeing you, I always encourage your son to visit you because I know it makes you happy.
I feel like we’re not so different, I enjoy your stories because sometimes I can’t help but think that we’re similar and your thoughts are very relatable.
You have extremist views and whilst I am polar-opposites on certain things, I too am extreme about my beliefs.
Despite our differences in religion, taste and expectations, I try my hardest to be agreeable to you.
You see I have encountered another mother in law like you, with my first boyfriend who at the time, I would have given up my life for.
I found that that relationship could never progress, in large part to do with the fact that she hated me. I know you’re probably thinking hate is a strong word but she truly did. She did all she could to tear us apart and it got to be too much for both of us, eventually, she got what she wanted but I can tell you now, no-one won. We all lost and it was a devastating loss for both of us.
I don’t want that to happen to your son and I. We love each other very much and we hope to someday start our own family. We have plans, big ones and someday we hope to make it our reality.
We live each day as it comes but this dark cloud hangs over us because we know that you’re there wishing we weren’t together. Whilst we do our best not to let it affect us, it does.
Your son has so many things he wishes he could tell you but he’s so afraid to hurt you, at the same time he is afraid to hurt me so he is in limbo and goes back and forth between us.
The truth is I know I could try better but a lot of the time I don’t want to. I don’t want to because of the hurt feelings that I get whenever I’m around you, I can’t help remember the things you have said about me or to me. I can’t help remember the times your son sat and listened to it and chose to stay silent instead of saying something. Putting you in your place.
Because maybe that’s what you need? I think perhaps you may have had an easy time with your mother in law because if you didn’t then I don’t think you’d be this way to me.
Mostly I don’t feel motivated to try with you because I know that no matter what I do, I will never be good enough for you, for your son or for your family.
I accept I must try harder but it’s so difficult because I feel like you make it hard for me to be around you. I always feel so uneasy.
I know your son wishes I could spend Christmas with your family but it’s a hard invitation to accept because I am afraid to ruin such a special time for you. But I would love to share the celebration with you if I could.
There is so much I want to share with you, I want you to see my life, my childhood, I want to share stories with you, help you get to know me better and in turn I’d love to hear the adventures you’ve been on in your life.
I wish I could introduce you to my parents, as they are my favourite people in this world. I’m afraid to because I am scared you will be cruel to them like you are to me. I don’t think I could bear to witness that or to let it happen and so instead we keep you all apart. Your son and I have fantasised the moment we all sit down to dinner together like one big extended family but sadly this will never happen.
I wonder what I could do to show you how much I care about you, even if its unrequited love… even if I know you won’t love me like a daughter, or an extended family member I still wish you would. I tell your son I don’t care anymore and that I won’t stress about it, but I still do. I stand in front of my closet and think about what I’m wearing before visiting you. I read recipe books or scour the Internet looking for a dish that may entice you as if it’s you that I’m dating. But it feels that way sometimes, like we’re dating and I’m desperately trying to impress you in any way I can think of.
I’m a terrible gardener but because of you I’ve tried so hard to have green fingers. The problem is I try so hard that I actually fail and I can’t help but notice that you’re secretly laughing at me and that you enjoy my failures, because of this I try even harder, and my lemon and orange trees are still alive after 1 year…this is a big deal to me.
Because of our relationship, the difficult one we have, my mother and I have gotten even closer. I often ask her for advice and support as sometimes I run out of ideas of a new way to try and win you over. She’s told me countless times that perhaps you were just not someone I could win over and that not everyone in this world is destined to like me. She also says that because of this I’m loosing my confidence and I think she’s right, because it’s a difficult thing to accept when one of the most important women in your partners life doesn’t accept or welcome you.
I use your rejection as a platform to try even harder, hell I was determined to write a best seller and actually began writing again just because I wanted so badly to have something in common with you.
Did you notice that I tried to start knitting because you used to do it? I started participating in writing competitions because you’d send me links to them.
I try to make your sons house a home and fill it with lovely memories and a space he can call his. I remind him to call/text/visit you on a daily basis and even send him funny messages to send to you.
Efforts that are never recognised but still I continue to try because I want your son to finally be happy completely. I know it hurts him, do you notice this? Sometimes he cries about it and the strain is evident.
I live so far from my family that sometimes I could do with a comforting family environment, during those times we sometimes come to visit you but it would happen more often if we could learn to get a long.
I want you to love me because I have unconditional love for you, I want you to love me because your son and I love each other and it would mean so much to us to have your blessing, but most of all I want you to love me because you want to, because I earned it and not because you were forced into it.
I dream of the day that you and I can finally go out to lunch together, maybe even go shopping? I hope that should your son propose to me, that it would be with your blessing and that you can be happy for us.
Maybe someday we’ll be able to have a conversation that’s just between us two and it isn’t forced or awkward. Maybe someday we can have an inside joke. Maybe that’s hoping for too much? Maybe my expectation is too high.
I just wish you loved me.
I can’t promise that I will never make your son cry but what I can promise is that I will always be there to wipe away his tears. For every mistake I make I will ensure that I am there to make up for it. I can’t say I will always know the right things to say to comfort him, but I will make sure that I always try. I can’t guarantee that I will always make him happy but I will search the ends of the earth to find his smile again.
And for you, I will continue to try my hardest to impress you, to wow you and to make you proud to have me in your family. I will continue to learn from you, to accept your teaching and to show you that I will make a good daughter to you. Because truly and honestly, I just want to be part of your family, and I hope someday you feel the same way too.
I’m not perfect, I’m not extraordinary but I want you to know that I will always try my hardest to be the best I can be, for you, for your son, for my family but most importantly for me.
I have a lot to share with you; I just wish you could let me show you that. If you gave me the chance, I think you could really like me.
I hope someday you’ll love me.