Why your total number shouldn’t and doesn’t matter.
Have you ever been in a situation where you’re talking to someone and they say “how many times have you eaten an egg?” And you reply in approximation because not many people know exactly how many eggs they have eaten “I don’t know maybe about 100” and the person is like… “Oh my god, I can’t be your friend if you’ve eaten that many eggs…” No? You haven’t? But doesn’t that sound like a ridiculous scenario? Well does rejecting or disrespecting someone because of number of people they have/haven’t slept with.
This blog as with many of my others, are based on my opinion, my experiences and the experiences of people I know… I am in no way saying my opinion is the way everyone else should act or believe, so takes this how you would like to take it.
My outlook on sexuality is as I would describe as free. I have no particularly strong opinion over sexuality aside from a few obvious ones… I believe people should be free to explore and discover themselves in any way that is safe, consensual and morally right. I know how different everyone is, and that we all have our own paths to walk down. Some people are happy to enjoy and explore only 1 other person, some don’t want to at all and then there are some who want to experience many people. None of these people are wrong, because they are all doing what they see to be right for them.
I’ve been in a situation before when the talk of sex and partners came up, one of the participants of this conversation said that he didn’t think any woman who had over a certain number of partners were “wife” material. I asked him why, and he responded simply by saying that any girl who slept around clearly never respected themselves and therefore he wouldn’t want to marry a girl like that. The subject moved forward to previously promiscuous people, those who did have many sexual partners but was now strictly with a serious partner, the same guy said that it didn’t matter and that the journey through promiscuity was one you would never be able to leave. He said that the girl would forever be labelled and he would rather have a girl who was pure. Well when questioned on his view over promiscuous guys he replied “there’s no such thing as a promiscuous guy, the woman is always held to a different standard.” In private he told me that he had no respect for girls who had more than 4 sexual partners, I asked if he would still sleep with one and he said “yes, but I wouldn’t respect her.”
What I find hard to believe is this idea that people are convinced living a celibate life makes you better than someone who is sexually free and that living sexually free means you have more fun than those living a celibate life. Because it is as easy to judge someone who has little to 0 sexual experience as someone who has been around town and back. Really in this situation is moot because as long as you’re being safe and consensual in sex, as long as you are doing right by you in celibacy then you shouldn’t be judged for your choices.
Sexual experience shouldn’t mark who you are as a person because I don’t feel like it holds a bearing on your capability as a human being. Sexuality is just another form of expression but it isn’t all you are. Like everything in this world, anything can be good in moderation. Fact is there are some who really like to have sex, and everyone’s got have a hobby, some kind of healthy outlet, and as long as it’s safe, between two consenting adults then why not?
The question I want to throw out there is, why is it so important how many sexual partners someone has had? How does it affect you? I mean it doesn’t affect you unless you are having sex with them, and by that I mean, because maybe you’d like to know but it shouldn’t be then be the base in which you make a decision about the future of your relationship, because you cannot assume someone is going to spend their entire life waiting for you, good for them if they did, but don’t expect that from everyone because sex is natural, healthy and an experience that everyone should be able to try.
I hate that saying that if you want to know the real number of sexual partners you’ve had you’ve got to count the number of sexual partners your sexual partners have had and then times them by their sexual partners and so on and so forth. Chances are you’ve probably had sex with your best friend if you’re going to count it that way. I feel like unless you’re having unprotected sex with all these people then it shouldn’t matter. What does knowing the number do for you? Are you going to call every one of those people and ask for a play by play of their sexual liaison and if you’re going to do that then maybe you should just stick to celibacy.
On the flip side of things, who cares if someone has never had sex before or has had little bedroom action? Maybe their sexual impulses are just a little lower than others, maybe they are waiting for someone special, maybe it’s just not the right time for them? You just don’t know the situation and yet you judge, why? Because you’re not proud of accepting of your own experience and total.
It’s easy to be conscious of your list, your number, your total but actually as a human being who does a lot of walking up and down the tumultuous journey of life, you’ve earned the right to make decisions and not be judged for them.
Sometimes people are wary of those who have had as they say… A lot of action in the sack, for a number of reasons, the most common one I hear is because they are afraid the promiscuous individual will just hit and quit, when in actual fact I’ve met some who just enjoy being in the company of someone else, they don’t have ulterior motives but what happens, happens. The number of sexual partners a person has has little correlation to the character or morals of someone.
From experience I can only say that people can change and whilst I chose promiscuity for fun and with bad intentions, I was able to meet my partner through this and I discovered how much more satisfying it is to be with one and only one person. But again that’s just my opinion and I needed to experience being with different men to find my compatibility with him.
Tell me… Would you love your partner of many years if you found out they had a lot of sexual partners? Who established how many would be classed as a lot? Because to someone who has never had sex before could class 1 or 2 as a lot? And if you were to decide that too many would be any number higher than you then how is it fair that your partner has to be punished
Your number, no matter how high or low it is, does not define you.
If you want to experience the human anatomy on a daily basis then let your sex flag fly, if you want to wait each time for you to feel that special attraction then good for you! Be proud, be strong and don’t let anyone for one second make you feel any less than you are, because sex is just an anomaly and you are the maker of your own destiny.
Do something to make your parents proud today, your kids proud someday, and you proud everyday!
Peace and Love,