It’s that time of the year again, where our houses smell like Christmas trees and sweets, we’re all huddled in one room trying to stay warm and braving the terrifyingly busy city centres getting our last minute shopping together.
I’m sure many of us are blessed with a great bunch of friends and family, but cursed with having to get the never-ending list of loved ones a special gift this holiday period… when you have a family as big as mine and my partners, you’re bound to get a few unwanted names on the list. That one relative or acquaintance you secretly hate or can’t stand but you have to get them a gift to keep up with the pretence of even liking them.
It’s awful! My family are all pretty sensitive so leaving someone out even if it’s a stranger on the street is pretty much impossible, and getting a gift, no matter how small is so much better than the inevitable questions as to why you had ‘simply forgotten them’ when you had remembered to get the bin men and post men something.
My partner and I love Christmas, it’s our time of the year when we can spoil our loved ones with unwanted (but carefully thought out) gifts, we can over indulge in sweet treats and family bonding. My favourite part of Christmas is being in my parents house sitting by the fire, my Mum playing on her iPad (give her credit, she’s only recently embraced the 21st Century), my little Sister arguing with her boyfriend, my partner playing with the fire whilst I try and prevent him from burning himself, my Dad and older sister falling asleep side by side, yes it’s my perfect Christmas. The thing I hate most about Christmas (aside from the obvious others) is having to spend even a minute having to search and purchase a gift for someone I don’t like. Now I love to shop, especially for Christmas gifts, so an extra gift to look for is a lot of fun…but part of the fun of gift giving is seeing the look on that persons face when they open and process what you’ve given them. When you’re buying for this unwanted person, a part of you knows that they’re reaction is not going to be anything extraordinary and the thought that you and they will have to sit in awkward silence while you pretend not to hate each other is awful.
We did our shop quite early, and after almost completing our gift extravaganza were reminded of two particularly unwanted people. Now we had tried for so long to convince ourselves that these people would not feel rejected if we left them out (what’s the point right? They will neither appreciate the gift, or treat you any better). But nevertheless, the moment a loved one mentions it to you, there’s no escaping it, you will no longer have the excuse of simply ‘forgetting’ to fall back on.
Now if you’re cold and heartless like me then you’re probably dreading that moment too. But because I’m so kind, and have already had to endure an extra hour of being crushed by shop hungry consumers, and of course because I totally feel for you! I have compiled a shopping list of gift ideas for that burden gift receiver you have to buy for. Take this as a gift idea list / advice… We may as well enjoy it, it is the festive season after all!
1. Desktop Henry Hoover.
Nothing says professional like a toy for their desk, and if it’s a gift for a couple, then that’s okay, get it as a joint present, it’s not stingy… (especially if you add a couple of Duracell ultra!)
2. Ball of Nothing.
Because what can you get someone who has everything (well you assume they have everything because of the boring and elaborate stories they’ve boasted about and forced you to listen to throughout the year) they were expecting nothing from you, so why disappoint?
3. Brussel sprouts.
Most people ‘forget’ to buy these hearty vegetables and we all know it’s not Christmas without Brussel sprouts, you can never have enough of them and everyone loves to eat and them!
4. Wasabi flavoured toothpaste.
Whether they’re foodies who like to dine in fancy places, or simply like to have a good oral hygiene, this unique gift is perfect for all! Who even likes normal toothpaste nowadays? No boring teeth brushing for these lucky recipients, and haven’t you heard, wasabi is all the rage!
5. Horse Mask.
A gift for them and for you, a gift that keeps on giving… because it’s so much fun when they feel pressured to wear it, and from then on you will always have the magical story of that time they wore a horse mask to tell at your next get together.
6. Gaudy House Ornament.
Because nothing says class like a sculpture of…whatever this is. (expect to see it on Ebay within minutes of them opening it!)
7. Regifted Unbranded Red Wine (from last years Christmas).
Just be sure to check the best before date, but isn’t the rule of red wine, the older the better? (what if its not red anymore? Well that’s part of the surprise!)
8. Any handcrafted, homemade gift.
It’s okay if you’re shit at arts and crafts, it’s the thought that counts, right? (Atleast that’s what you can tell them as they try and subtly leave it at your house and claim they had tragically accidentally left it behind, that’s okay though, you can give it to them again next year, SCORE!)
9. Dust Mop Slippers.
Because everyone loves a clean home and everyone loves slippers, dusting slippers, you’re on to a good start!
10. Beer Scented Bath Gel.
Do they have a bath? Maybe. do they like the smell of beer? why wouldn’t they? There’s nothing like taking a nice soak in a tub of warm alcoholic stew, I have a feeling they’re going to love this during the aftermath of their New Year celebrations, how forward thinking of you!
As you can see, there’s a gift for everyone! Gone are the days of stress buying for your frenemies, all because your good pal Jessy has done the research for you! If you do take inspiration from my ideas, let me know, maybe you have a few crackers yourself that I can use for my next victims… that teaches you to be on my naughty list!
On a serious note, Christmas is much more than just the gifts you give or receive, it’s also about the loved ones you get to share this special time with, so don’t forget to laugh out loud, take too many pictures, and plaster your fake smile when you get an unwanted gift (just put it aside and regift to your frenemy, less money to spend next year right?). Take this time to give thanks for your blessings, your family and your friends get share this magical time with you and theres no better way to say thank you than to tell them how much you love them!
From my family to yours, have a happy and safe holiday!
Oh and… Don’t forget…
Do something to make your parents proud today, your kids proud someday, and you proud everyday!
Peace and Love,