When you live in the UK (or pretty much anywhere cold) a good pair of tights becomes your best friend. Whether it’s the summer, winter, spring or autumn, it’s cold here and if you don’t keep your legs covered, you are going to freeze. The thing is as handy as these revolutionary clothing items are, they are a nightmare to put on, wear and take off. The struggle is real for women everywhere!
If you’re a woman living in 2016, you probably have a whole drawer dedicated to your tights, it’s probably brimming full because you know, you can never have enough, and you probably get through A LOT of them. Much like umbrellas, no matter how cheap, or expensive tights are they are rubbish and can only be compared to taking a wad of cash and setting it on fire.
Here are just 10 of a very long list of struggles that a tights wearer faces on a daily basis;
- Getting the right size is basically a guessing game.
You get your usual size and it’s either too big or too small. Why is there a small-medium and medium-large etc. Why not specific sizes for specific people, are they expecting me to buy one size then tailor them to fit me? I can’t sew, and I’m dangerous with a stapler. If they aren’t the correct size or doesn’t cater to your unusual shape then your tights wearing experience won’t be a pleasant. Prepare for them to slip down or to feel tight at any inconvenient moment.
- Saggy knee effect.
This is a big struggle for short people in particular but I think it is universal in all women too. No matter how perfect you left the house this morning, somehow your enemy, the tights, will find a way to make you knees look deformed and saggy.
- Somehow you always manage to put it on wrong.
Why does this front and back thing even exist? Why don’t they make it obvious for us super busy people who get dressed for work half asleep and cannot differentiate between the bit for your front and the bit for the butt. Chances are we’re going to get it wrong, always backwards, and when we do, we get to endure a day of regret, questioning our life choices.
- Front wedgies are possible, don’t ask me how.
I don’t even want to talk about it.
- Dancing uncomfortably whilst you try to bring your tights back up because it’s started to slip.
As the crotch of the tights lower you start to feel self conscious that people are going to see it peeking out visible from the bottom of your dress. This usually happens when you’re in a crowded area in the middle of a conversation where you can’t decide whether to rudely interrupt someone so that you can waddle away, excusing yourself to sort it out, or just do a quick crotch grab, adjust yourself and just hope no one noticed.
- Going to the bathroom is a whole ‘nother struggle/mission in itself.
When you put on those tights you made a pact with yourself not to inconvenience yourself by having to use the bathroom at all that day. But one thing leads to another and you find your liquid consumption has increased as if you were challenging yourself, you need to use the loo, surely it won’t be that bad? Oh yes it is, getting your tights down to your ankle but then in the few seconds you were weeing your tights seemed to have shrunk and is no longer co-operating or going on as easy as it came off, I have to admit when faced in this situation part of me has considered just taking them off and leaving my legs bare, that is until I remember I either haven’t moisturised or shaved my legs for months.
- Somehow your legs don’t stretch quite as far as they normally do.
Remember those days when you could quite happily dance around like a ballerina doing pirouettes and lunges like you were some kind of elegant athlete? Yeh me neither’ but still, your legs can stretch much further than when they’re confined to the deadly leg straight jackets.
- How can such thin material make you feel so big and bloated? But then the tightness sometimes makes me feel so sexy. It’s like a love hate relationship.
My tights got me posing but looking like…
- The toe situation!
No matter how perfect you get the size, somehow, someway the toes section of the tights always manages to slip in your shoe giving you that uncomfortable feeling like you have a lump and the seem pokes you in an uncomfortable way every time you walk. As for squished toes, don’t even get me started on that! Everytime I’ve endured a day of being hated on by my tights my feet feel like they’ve shrunk.
- Finally, when the traumatic day of wearing tights come to an end, you feel a sense of achievement…that is until you go to take it off and ladder the fragile material rendering it unusable.
It’s probably time to open one of your many packets of brand new tights you have bought in bulk for this very situation, tomorrow is a brand new day for a brand new pair of tights. (Sob) they have such a short lifespan.