Dear Scott

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Scott,

You know how I love to accompany my writing with a song. I chose this song for its title on purpose. ‘Beautiful Girl’ now before you make that face I know you’re about to make, I want to explain why I chose this song. I chose it because you, Scott, have taught me that everyone needs to feel beautiful. The term beautiful isn’t just for people to say to a woman to bring out a smile on their beautiful face, it’s also for men. Even the manliest man in the world needs to hear that they’re beautiful, and you Scott are beautiful, beautiful in every way. You have a beautiful smile, a beautiful soul, a beautiful heart, and I love every beautiful way that you bring light and laughter in my life.

4 years on, I can say you’re even more beautiful than when I first met you, mainly because I have had the pleasure to get to know you, but also because I’ve been able to grow alongside you, I’ve gotten to watch you transform into a confident and strong man who has achieved a wonderful list of things that has helped you become who you are today.

Just thinking of all we have overcome and achieved in our time together brings a smile to my face.

I wish I could put into words my gratitude for your existence. I wish I could share with everyone all of our stories, the memories that have helped create our love story, I feel like if I did then they would see you the way I see you, they would know exactly why I love you so very much.

When we first met Scott, I had no idea how important you would become to me. I wish I could go back and tell 4 years younger, Jessy just how lucky she was to have met such an amazing man who was going to change her life completely. This is going to be one of the longest letters I ever wrote for anyone… hang in there with me, I want to take you through the 4 years of our relationship.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ3j8s-JzUc

Year 1: 2012

We met one night, in a nightclub, the last place I ever thought I would ever meet the man of my dreams. I was stuck in a kind of, kind of not fling that I was sick off. I was in a place in my life where I was convinced every man I met was out to hurt me. I didn’t trust anyone. That night I wasn’t even suppose to go out. A friend convinced me that I would have a good night. Nimi (who plays a vital role in our love story) assured me that if I didn’t have a good night I could just go home. Because of my ups and downs with relationships, I decided from that night on, I would forget love, forget romance, forget dating and stop looking for a relationship. I decided to stop going out and meeting people, and instead concentrate on having fun. So on a whim, I decided to go right ahead and go out. I wore a black dress that I hated, it made me feel ugly, and I didn’t feel happy about how I looked. As a joke, because of my friend’s birthday, and he’s Canadian, I thought it would be funny to wear one of his hockey Jersey’s over my dress. So off we went to the club. Once in, Jenny, Nimi and I went straight for the bar. You know that feeling that someone is watching you? I had that, I waited a little while before turning around to see you standing in the distance with your friend and you were looking straight at me. Our eyes connected and out of embarrassment I turned away. I whispered to Jenny that I had caught you looking at me, she told me to go and say Hi to you. I turned around to you again and saw that you were still looking at me, I waved Hi to you and you just turned away, I turned to Jenny again and told her you had ignored me “how rude is he?!” I shouted to her above the music. When he had our drinks, we walked towards one side of the club and as we neared our destination someone bumped into the back of me, as I turned around ready to shout at the idiot who had knocked into me, I saw it was you, you looked like you were ready to leave the club so, I thought I may as well talk to you! Feeling a little bit of Dutch courage, I shouted at you, shouting at you for bumping into me, you sheepishly apologized, I laughed at you, and you seemed to relax. You asked me why I was wearing a hockey jersey and I told you about my friend, you cheekily told me to take it off and I just pushed you away. My friend whose birthday it was, walked past and I pulled him to us to join our conversation, you greeted him happy birthday and started a conversation with him. After a few minutes, I got bored of standing around listening to your conversation with him so I walked off. Throughout the night, my girlfriends and I had a lot of fun but every time I turned around I felt like you were around. At first it did unnerve me but I was probably being paranoid, even more so now, because to this day you won’t admit to following me. Towards the end of the night, I was outside when the guy I had been having a fling with openly made out with a girl in front of me, that for me was the line where I no longer wanted to go back to him. In anger I stormed up to my friends and told them I was going home, as I made my way to the entrance of the club I bumped into you again, I accused you of following me and you were completely baffled at my arrogance, with bravery and stupidity, I asked if you wanted to come home with me, you seemed stunned by this question and replied with “I’ll walk you home if you want?” I laughed, because I didn’t believe you. I told my friends I was going home with you and they looked skeptically at you, but being under the influence made them think they were able to judge my safety and deemed you safe enough to be with… they were right but maturity has granted me the ability to judge that we were not in the best state to assume you, a stranger, were a trustworthy companion, but I digress. So off we went, on a moderately short walk to my flat. As we walked back we were basically in silence, until I could no longer hold in my anger and told you exactly why I had invited you back to my flat. Angry revenge sex, let’s just put that out there, that was my intention. Yours was simply to walk me home safely. See how you were already making my life better? So I struggled to get my key into the front door so you helped me, then helped me get into my actual flat, then into my room. People would probably think this was a really clever plot by you to get into my room, but those who know you know that that’s the kind of guy you are. Now in my room I vented out my frustrations about the guy in question, you listened patiently but probably thought this was the worst one nightstand you’d ever had. We sat and talked and I felt like I’d known you forever. I told you how much I hated rugby guys, whilst you sat there in your rugby shirt, my inebriation rendered me incapable of reading obviously because I had no idea you were on the rugby team. God how crazy I must have sounded to you, during a story I accidentally said my name, I stopped and was so embarrassed, I had no intention of telling you my real name because until that point I only ever introduced myself to people as ‘Donna’, Donna was such a big part of my life until that point because she had a life of her own…Donna was the wild child inside me, and there I was introducing myself to you as Jessy…almost like I didn’t have anything to hide from you. I told you things I never thought I would share with anyone, why? Because I assumed there was no harm in doing so, I mean, you were just a guy I had met at a club and someone I would never see again right? We stayed up all night talking, about everything, even about my past, one that I had tried so hard to hide, tried so hard to forget. I told you my past mistakes, the things I had regretted doing, things that would ordinarily put people off, this was the first time I had met you, I had only known you a few hours and yet I had already told you about my pain, my family, my heartbreaks, my dreams. You patiently listened, and shared in my stories, you told me things that seemed so personal to you. We hadn’t even kissed and you already knew whom my first time was with. We hadn’t even exchanged last names and you already knew my fathers career history and his heart-breaking story with my mother. Scott, you had already gotten through my many years of resentment and anger before the sun even came up. We fell asleep in each other’s arms. When we woke up, I knew our night together was over. I felt quite sad, but at the same time I knew that this is how the story was suppose to go. You said Goodbye to me, and as you walked out of the flat, I ran into the kitchen where Nimi was, in silence we watched you walk away. It occurred to me that you’d never asked me for my number, you never even turned back around to watch me watch you, you just went off on your way. Nimi asked me if you were different, I replied, “I think he could have been.” And with that I got on with my life.

At that point I genuinely believed that was the end of our potential story, but hey, we both know it was just the beginning of a life changing journey that we’re still on, together.

It had been a week before Nimi got fed up with me casually dropping you in conversation. I was baffled by the fact that you never even attempted to plan another night with me, even though I knew my complete honesty with you was probably enough to scare you away, I still thought that you’d have at least asked me for my number, I mean most guys did, even if they never had any intention of calling again. I realize that sounds so big headed, and I don’t mean that I thought you’d want to see me again because I’m so amazing, but the whole experience was so new to me, meeting a guy at a club, taking him home and staying up all night chatting and sharing experiences, I just thought you’d have been curious about it like I was. I guess I had spent the week over analyzing the situation. Then exactly a week after we met, Nimi and I decided to venture back to the same club we had promised never to go back to again. A planned encounter with you, lead us to talking again, this time you took my number, and once again we ended up at mine at the end of the night. This time it was a far different experience. You see in the past I was so used to being the girl who was so disgustingly drunk that a guy has to look after her, this time I was looking after you, and even though you were so embarrassed, I still nursed you to a somewhat suitable state. Even though we didn’t get a chance to talk, I still felt like we had shared something…unique? From that night on, our love story really started. We talked frequently, and pretty soon after that we spent a lot of time together, I was still so unsure about you, in fact, I was so unsure that I kept you a secret from most people, from my flat mates, even my family.

I was so broken from my past experiences that I still found it so hard to trust you, I know that affected you but no matter how hard I tried, part of me just couldn’t allow myself to be fully committed to our relationship. I was constantly hesitant and would remind you every night that you knew where the door was and that you could use it whenever, to put it bluntly I told you that if you were going to leave, then you should just leave and I was never going to stop you. The problem with having you heart broken the way mine had been, you tend to expect goodbyes much more than people staying. Isn’t that so sad? As much as I wanted to believe you were different, I was so afraid to let myself think that way because history had a funny way of pulling the rug from under me every time I got comfortable. There were nights that our blossoming relationship gave me such bad anxiety that as you lay sleeping I was sneak off to the toilet and cry. How fucked up was I? That’s just how bad a state I was in before you. I had convinced myself that one day I would wake up and you’d be gone, I casually (not so casually) mentioned this to you and tried to pass it off like it meant nothing and I was joking. I would say things like “You can leave now if you want” right before we would get into bed, trying to encourage you to leave before I fell asleep. You actually got my hints, you would never leave in the morning until I woke up, and if you were leaving in the evening you would leave before I fell asleep. When you started working early in the morning, you would make sure you woke me up just to say goodbye, because you genuinely understood my fear. My fear wasn’t out of clinginess, but you knew it was part of what kept me distant from you.

In March 2012, I finally introduced you to my best friend, James and my sister Ruth. Our relationship blossomed so much so that in the Easter holidays of 2012, I introduced you to my other friends back home, and for the first time ever, I brought you back home to meet my parents! Your first visit, was awkward, my parents even gave you your own room in our house, not that you ever stayed in your room! But sneaking into my room at night made me feel so giddy, like we were two naughty kids. The Summer of 2012, I went to your house for the first time, I met your parents, I don’t think I met your brother or sister yet, but I had already known so much about them that I felt like I was already part of the family. It felt like we were a proper couple Scott! During our first meeting I told you I had never slow danced with a boy/man/male before, embarrassingly I admitted it was because I had never been asked. So one night during my visit at your parents house, we were up late sitting in the kitchen and the radio your Mum kept on magic was playing ‘Late night love’ and a song came on, a nice, slow, romantic song and you stood up. You put your hand out to me and asked me to dance, I was so embarrassed even if it was just you and me, I stood up and you took me in your arms as you slowly swayed with me, it was such a magical experience and meant so much to me, and yet, I don’t even know if you realize just how much of a big deal that was. I was so madly in love with you already.

You spent Christmas 2012 with my family because of a freak storm that washed away a main train line in Devon. We spent New Year 2013 with your family; I had made an exception to the one promise I always kept to myself to never spend New Year away from my family. For you, I didn’t mind, I couldn’t imagine seeing in the New Year with anyone other than you.

Year 2: 2013

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sg_WAtJzbzY

After a nightmare of living with some friends and it not quite working as well as I had hoped, I found myself pretty much living with you. It was a new experience for us and because we’d only been together for about a year, it felt way too fast. Because it wasn’t ‘officially’ living together we weren’t really dealing with typical problems that new couples moving in together had to deal with. What we did find was that we had a lot of things in common in the way we lived, like our need to have everything in bulk, bulk toilet paper, pasta, candles etc. Whilst still in the blissful honeymoon period we started planning for our future home together and the types of décor we would have. We spent hours in furniture and home stores, and even buying little pieces to decorate your living space to make it feel more at home. At that time we were probably not being serious, I mean we were both incredibly inexperienced with long term relationships and we really got through our first year by living day to day, literally never planning anything too advance, not because we didn’t have faith in our relationship but because we didn’t really plan to be in a long term relationship, you always say ‘it just happened’ and maybe that’s why it worked out? We didn’t put pressure on ourselves to be anything but us. Half way through 2013 we decided to make it official, my true intention for moving in with you was simply because I just wanted somewhere clean and tidy and I never saw it as a boyfriend and girlfriend moving in together, that’s what it was but I guess I never looked at the bigger picture. You didn’t either, you liked your house and needed another housemate, I need another house so it just seemed perfect. Our landlord re-did the garden and we ended up buying garden furniture and never once did we bat an eyelid at what a monumentally big deal this was. Furniture! We bought it together, never once thinking about what would happen if we broke up, what if we did, who would keep this first piece of adulthood we could use as a memento? Again that’s probably why are at this stage now, because me being the over thinker learnt from you, the optimist that we should enjoy this chance to have our own garden. This first year of living together was full of trials, our flaws became amplified and suddenly those small little quirks became little irritants, for a time our lives merged into one and we kind of lost our identity, I didn’t like it…neither did you and there were so many times in 2013 when we were so ready to give up on each other. Fights, crying, arguing, locking bedrooms, our 2013 was plagued with so many challenges but the one thing we didn’t falter one was saying goodnight to each other. We don’t go to bed without saying I love you that was one of our promises to each other. Despite the difficulties we faced, I did find myself no longer reminding you of where the door was and I was not afraid that you would leave me in the middle of the night. So yes we had hard times but it also meant we moved forward with our relationship. Our time at University was drawing to a close and we were not thinking about our life after University. When you quit University, we went through a period of uncertainty, not about you and me but really more about Scott and Jessy as individuals. Your career path had changed dramatically and in turn I was revaluating my life plan. We both had to do a lot of soul searching and I think to this day we’re still trying to find answers to our own questions. That’s where the dynamics of you and I really changed, you started thinking about the future more and more and less and less about the present, whereas I was doing the opposite. It was like we switched perspective on life and we couldn’t find a happy middle. For me things were moving too quickly and you started talking about getting a house, moving to London, and you told me these things matter of factly never really stopping to ask me what I thought. For a while I felt very alone and once again felt like I had yet another person who was telling me what to do with my life when I desperately wanted someone to ask me what it was I wanted, even if, to tell you the truth, I had no idea, I just wanted to graduate. This Christmas we spent our holidays in Stoke with Jordan. We were away from our family and most of our friends, and I cooked the roast dinner, which ended up tasting like burnt oil. You and Jordan ate it without complaints but I was so upset. You told me that it was okay because it meant I could spend all the Christmases after improving, and I loved so much for being able to soften my sadness and give me hope. That’s the thing with you, you just make things okay with a certain light honesty but also such a sweet compliment. That’s one of the things that makes me feel so comfortable with you, so safe. I know you’ll always protect my feelings but at the same time you want to tell me the truth. 2013 was all about learning new things for us, it was the first time we ever had to really act like adults and start thinking about life outside of being a student. I did a lot of growing up because I wanted to be a woman and I wanted to be someone you could see yourself being with forever. You continually gave me boosts of confidence and acted as a true teammate in our relationship. We’d always remind each other we were a team. Though 2013 was a tough year for us, I was grateful for our time in Stoke, grateful for the practice we had with living with each other. I was also glad to see in 2014 together, even if it was just you and I.

Year 3: 2014

I want to start this year by telling you just how much I love you. 2014 for me was all about seeing how your relationship grew with my family. I loved watching you sing karaoke with my Mum, helping Molly prepare for her car, encouraging Ruth with her card obsession and sneaking off to the pub with my Dad. Someday I want to tell everybody in detail your relationship with each individual family member just so that you can see how important you have become in our lives. I love how you came into my life and just fit in with every aspect of it. You got along with my very best friends (except one but lets not get into that okay) and my family adores you. Thinking about it now gives me so much joy because one of the reasons why I thought I’d only be able to date and marry a Filipino man was because I was so afraid that no one would understand my family dynamics. You see all my life nobody has really understood why my family never really went on holiday, or never had fancy things, fancy cars etc. I was afraid the man I marry wouldn’t understand why I would want to help my family in the Philippines. My sisters and I have suffered being in a relationship with men who just didn’t understand. Some of them would say some truly hurtful things, and would often comment on how my Mum wasn’t nice for leaving her family every Christmas to work, so that she could have money to send to the Philippines. You Scott, you just got it, you understood and even the parts where you were a little confused you knew it wasn’t your place to say anything. You never commented on how my family would constantly put gifts aside for our ‘box’ and you’d actually join in too. You embraced my strange family dynamics, but one of the things that makes me cry with happiness is how instead of judge us, my mum, my dad, my sisters, you’ve applauded us for what we’ve done (even if I myself have not done a lot) you’ve accepted us and remind me on a daily basis how we’re making the world a better place even if it’s just for our family (Charity begins at home!). I want to keep telling you just how much it means to me, I know I never really needed validation, but my biggest fear of not being understood on that side of things often made me feel like I would never be able to find true love. Thank you for being the asianist white guy I know (except from James). I found your relationship with my parents grow, so much so that in our little lovers quarrels they would often side with you. Even now my parents remind me on a daily basis how you are a good man and that I should take care of your heart. 2014 was a particularly scary time for me as I was finishing in College and University. You were so set on starting our new life that you managed to get a job in London and I was so happy for you, then so quickly we didn’t even have a chance to think, you were sitting me down to tell me how you needed to move to London 3 months before I could. At first it seemed like a fine and easy decision but as the time drew closer I felt myself feel lonelier and lonelier. When you left I was devastated. We hadn’t really talked about what I would do after graduation. Come to think of it we never had that talk! Sitting now thinking about all of this I just realized that I actually never said “yes I’ll move to London with you” and you never even asked me to come…so how in the heck did we get that moving truck your parents hired out, get my stuff into it and find myself permanently residing here? Anyway I’m going to have this conversation with you when you get home because I’m genuinely afraid I may have amnesia or something… was I a willing participant in this move or was I kidnapped and am I only realizing this now? So many thoughts but lets get back to this letter. So you left and I pretty much became the recluse living in 5 Carlton Road. For a long time I felt like maybe you would forget me because though we talked a lot you had already begun living ‘our’ new life in London. Sometimes you’d be too busy to have a chat and I felt so alone, then one evening whilst I was in bed I felt your warm hand touch my face, when I opened my eyes there you were…did you know that I had cried myself to sleep for what felt like the millionth time? You surprised me and I genuinely felt my heart explode because that night, with you standing there, I finally allowed myself to admit just how lost I was without you, my best friend, my soul mate.

After that weekend you promised me you would visit me more often and you did. You started piecing together our future and I finally felt like I was part of yours, you reminded me how you would be part of mine and how we had so much to look forward to. When I finally finished University and College we had a final weekend to be able to enjoy the place we had spent the last 3 years. It was our home and we promised each other we would be back again someday, maybe open our own little business where our love story began.

Despite how sad we both felt to be leaving such a huge part of our life, we were both so excited about the future and ours was ready to begin.

Packing our house, realizing we were both hoarders who had accumulated way too much stuff for students, we said our goodbyes to the city we called home for 3-4 years. We did last minute tours of our favourite places (lets face it Tesco’s and The Range hardly make for a fabulous tour, but that’s our thing and I will never change that). I thought about how 3 years before, I had begrudgingly got into my father’s car and cried about having to leave Devon. I complained, cried and whined about having to spend the next 3 years in this unfamiliar city and now there I was crying at the thought of leaving. I left part of my heart in Stoke and it will forever have a place in my heart. I gladly defend it against all the University snobs.

We made one semi-final visit when we came back for my graduation. My family joined us and we had a lovely weekend sharing our special home with my favourite people in the world, thank you for sharing such a huge moment in my life. You know how I constantly complain that we don’t have many ‘first times’ shared together, well I’m grateful that are always there to remind me that in our adult lives we’re still experiencing first times together.

When we finally moved to London we did a bit of house hopping. First living with your brother which was a new experience, then moving with your parents which was a whole ‘nother challenge of it’s own. Having to deal with living with other people again was like a new battle and because we had gotten used to our own pattern, routine and space it was difficult to adjust to other people’s schedules. We were looking for a place our own, which was a long process. It felt like we would never find a place and I was still trying to adjust to having this new job. It was like we were joining the rat race and it was hard for us to maintain a healthy and loving relationship. But in amongst all the chaos we managed to find time for us, and it really helped knowing that we had each other to lean on. There was a lot of changes in 2014, particularly when we found a house and our offer was accepted. It finally felt like our life was taking shape, they kept us waiting though and our relationship was strained by a lot of external factors. I think we went through our most difficult time during this period because there was still a lot of uncertainty about our future and I felt myself slowly go down a deeper state of depression that really resurfaced during my period of isolation in Stoke. I was homesick, I was lovesick and I just wanted things to slow down or pause to give myself time to think.

When we had to withdraw our offer I felt ready to just give up and just pack my stuff and go back to my parents, I think you would have let me because of how frustrated we were about getting a house, loosing a house and still not having any space for just the two of us. We were both so focused on our careers that we had very little time for our relationship and being in a full house made it difficult to have an argument to be able to clear the air, you know a bit like how there needs to be a thunderstorm to clear the air when there’s been hot, dry sunny weather…please don’t judge my lack of knowledge when it comes to weather, someone told men that and I believed them…it may be true, Google it.

Then before Christmas we put an offer on another house, it got accepted! We spent Christmas and New Year patiently waiting but half expecting for the house to be taken away again.

I spent Christmas with my parents and you spent yours with your family. We both anticipated getting a call and being told we lost it but both silently prayed we would finally get a win for team Scessy/Jott.

Year 4: 2015

(I don’t know what I’ve done but this is meant to be Year 3??? Our 4th anniversary was January 2016…)

So we celebrated our 3rd anniversary and planned for the year ahead, I was still anticipating a promotion that would never come and you were hoping for new opportunities at your new/old job. We had a lot of hopes including moving to our new home.

By February 2015 we got Keys to our house! Yay! In our eagerness to move into our house we forgot the essentials, you know like buying a kettle, microwave…plates? Cups? Luckily for us your parents thought of all of that and even though we lived out of boxes for a few months, we finally had our own four walls.

I was so afraid of what this big change meant but we were far from the two students who were living day to day. We had all these budget forms and pay slip folders, heck we even had a house alarm. We were adults to the extreme!

To be honest 2015 was quite a hazy year, we were so busy with so many different things that it would be too long to list on here. The highlights really were that we started renovating, planning for an extension and started talking about kids, yes kids! We discovered I had polycystic ovaries, which I was devastated about for a long time and you agreed to get tested yourself. Even before your tests you comforted me in every way you could. I felt so ashamed and didn’t feel like a woman, a real woman. I was a woman, I was suppose to have babies, you dreamt to someday being a father and I just felt so heartbroken that I may not be able to become a mother. You told me we would get through it and I believed you. Part of me just felt so defeated at the cards life dealt me. During a time when we were suppose to be celebrating having our own house, I was crying at my inability to conceive. The fact that we weren’t using contraception and in fact hadn’t been using it for almost 2 years made me feel like we were moving backwards in our plans for the future. Worst of all I felt like I couldn’t share those feelings with you or anyone else because I just didn’t know how anyone else could possibly understand, or even if it would be of interest to anyone. I just have no idea how else I would have gotten through this time without you kissing me every night and reminding me that someday I would make a fantastic mother to Charlotte and George (yeah we had to come up with new names thanks to the royal babies!).

Then you went through your tests and you were told you also had some problems… I think you took this news harder than I had taken mine, I guess for you it was a fact that you weren’t expecting, I had plenty of time to expect my official diagnosis but you were only doing your tests because of me. I know you don’t like to think about it but I just want to remind you of what you told me “we’ll get through this together.” I know we will make fantastic parents but it’s just not our time right now, when it is, we’ll be ready but maybe this is just the universes’ way of telling us that we still have so much more to do before we settle down and pump out the army we plan on having.

Towards the end of 2015, I finally got my promotion, a win for team Scessy/Jot. You also had a win by deciding on certain career path you wanted to follow adding direction into your plan.

2015 marked our entering into a world where marriage and babies could happen. You even told me to start my wedding folder!

Even though we decided 2016 was going to be our selfish year, we realized our plans didn’t allow for that, so what did we do? We changed it! 2017 we’ll get to travel and see the world.

We celebrated our 4th Year anniversary in January 2016. This marked us being in the longest relationship for us both. I was finally able to get rid of past demons that had been plaguing me and you finally trusted me enough to share parts of your past you didn’t share with me previously.

Before I end this I want to tell you just how much I love you.

Our relationship has been one heck of a rollercoaster full of ups, downs and loop de loops. We’ve walked out on each other (and come back) we’ve had tantrums and fall outs, we’ve both said some mean things, but above all of that we have always stuck around to make up for our mistakes. We grew up together, we soul searched and embarked on a journey of self-discovery standing side by side. We’ve lost some friends and also meant some amazing people; we’ve carved out this beautiful love story and future plan that I know with a lot of hard work and determination we will get to accomplish someday.

I love for every day; I love you more and more as I discover new things about you.

I love how you ask me for my fashion advice even though I’m awful at best.

I love how you fund my next greatest idea, and how much belief you have in me it’s sometimes scary.

I love how you come home everyday shouting ‘honey I’m home’ and how when you drop me off at the station you always say ‘bring home the bacon!’

I love how you sometimes ban me from certain food or drinks.

I love how you have to remind me I cannot order more than one drink at a time in a restaurant because I often waste it.

I love how you sing when you’re in the shower, or how you develop strange fears/obsessions based on what you’ve been watching on TV.

I love how in the beginning I told you we weren’t going to have a TV anywhere other than the living room and somehow you managed to get one in every room except the bathroom.

I love how you love my family with such a genuine and loving heart.

I love how thoughtful, caring and sweet you are, even to strangers.

I love how you learnt to cook Filipino food so that you can surprise me with it when I’m homesick.

I love how you make me a card for every occasion, and how you even remember to get me a card from our stuffed toy children because you want to remind me that I will be a mother someday.

I love you because you allow me to be me.

Scott you are my sunshine and my hope. You gave me a new reason to smile everyday and because of you I didn’t give up on myself. Because of you I fought for my independence, you remind me everyday how strong I am.

Thank you for every big and small things you do that I may not always thank you for, men like you are one in a million and I am so lucky to have been able to have found someone like you.

For every time I have been weak you have been the strength I needed, for every time I’ve wanted to give up you’ve been the reason why I wanted to try again, for all those moments that I lost belief in myself you have been my loudest, craziest, happiest cheerleader. You never cease to cheer me on and I want to spend my entire life supporting you in what you do.

I believe you will reach your dreams because you have so much determination. You will make an amazing father, husband someday and I hope I get to experience that new journey with you.

Thank you for the last 4 years, I look forward to today, tomorrow and the next year with you.

Always yours,

Jessica

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