Many of us have been faced with the unfortunate situation of falling in love with our best friend. Some of us (me) are still kicking ourselves for such a foolish decision that probably happened at such a vulnerable time in our lives, whilst others have been lucky for their love to be reciprocated and to be in a happy relationship with their best friend/lover. Despite the potential happily ever ending, it’s still quite a complicated relationship to try to embark on. I recently watched a video on YouTube, where a girl discusses her luck with relationships (or lack thereof). She says that men have not treated her nicely in the past that when a guy comes a long who respects her and treats her nicely she mistakes that kindness for romantic emotions and falls head over heels for that person. The misunderstanding with emotions can lead that person into not being able to forge deep relationships even basic friendships which can leave us feeling lonely and vulnerable which puts us at risk of being an easy target for the wrong kind of people as well as mistaking other situations as something it isn’t. It’s a hard and lonely life being someone who falls in love too quickly and loves too hard. Wouldn’t it just be so easy and convenient if we could fall in love with our best friend because there’s a reason why they’re our closest friends? We have the same things in common, we get a long and enjoy each other’s company, and they know our secrets. Unfortunately developing a relationship past friendship, even if it’s a close, strong one, despite it being common, doesn’t usually end well. Whilst some people can make relationships work, it is difficult to continue a romantic relationship with your friend because, well essentially you are loosing part of your friendship to make way for the romance. Romance, no matter who you are, comes with hardships that lead to arguments, well, how can a friendship be sustained when you’re going to be arguing? I guess we’re all different though; we make things work or not work depending on our determination and endurance.
Being the relationship cynic that I am, I have compiled a list of reasons why you shouldn’t fall in love with your best friend.
- All your flaws are exposed
They know your bad habits so if you tap your foot when you’re bored; they’re going to know. There’s no hiding from them.
- They know you’re dating history
When going to a club or anywhere public with them, you’re very likely to walk past someone you may have had a liaison with, queue awkward silences!
- People saying “you’re best friends and you’re dating?! Whom will you go to when you annoy each other or you break up?”
That’s the best thing to hear when you’re just starting a relationship with your best friend it’s a good way to get you thinking of the positives…not.
- Who do you turn to when you get into a typical relationship squabble
So you go to your friends and they go to theirs, wait a minute; you both have the same friends.
- The playful banter becomes serious fights
The cute little name-calling becomes a way for you to emotionally hurt each other. Laughing at the other person for eating too much could become a “do you think I’m fat?” situation.
- You can begin neglecting other friends
The time spent together, even if it isn’t more than you usually spent together when you were just friends, your other friends may see it as you both being ignorant to their feelings and closing them out of your relationship/friendship.
- What do you do if/when you break up?
Having to think about what your next move will be when you break up isn’t fun. Especially if it takes over your ability to enjoy the moment now. A break up between two people is hard enough, think about what it’d be like if you’re best friends?
- Your best friends, you have the same friends, you are together won’t you get bored?
Seeing the same face day in and day out, never getting a break, which might drive some of us crazy.
- The honeymoon period doesn’t last forever.
And when it ends, the usual relationship troubles happen, it’s only natural to suddenly think “it was so much easier when we were just friends…”
- The possibility of a break up.
There will always be a possibility of a break up hanging over both of your heads, like any relationship there’s always an even chance that you’ll break up. If not you get married (hooray for the very few of you who marry their best friend) but for the unlucky few the break up mess takes a lot longer to clear up. Is it really worth the hassle and how easy will it be for you to kiss and make up and return to being friends?
Finally if you needed me to say all of that to convince you that falling in love with your best friend is a big mistake then it probably isn’t and your love is probably worth acting upon. Maybe just this once you should risk it all, you are best friends after all. If your friendship is strong enough then surely you’re strong enough to bounce back…
What’s worse giving it a go and MAYBE that’s maybe breaking up or not even trying and having that constant rush of what if’s following you…
Because once you miss that chance, the moment could never come back…
So what are you going to do? Are you going to watch them walk away with yet another WRONG person for them…or are you going to live for the moment, grab your chance…and see what could come from it?