100 Thoughts During My Daily Commute

London-Underground

*this song does not represent my feelings/thoughts towards TFL staff, I just find it so funny and feels like it fits my feelings during my commute, I actually admire how hard some staff work, particularly when they have to deal with asshole commuters like me.*

As you may or may not have heard, I am a professional commuter. I awarded this title to myself when I realized I was loosing pretty much 4 hours + a day travelling to and from work. Wherever you live/work you know that if your journey is 20 minutes + then it’s a nightmare, let a long being in a hot and sweaty tin can with a bunch of other miserable people who just ‘can’t even right now’. I hate travelling day in and day out to non-exotic places, but even when I’m not commuting to and from work, I am travelling to and from clients, events, meetings and various other commitments. Because of this I’ve learnt some tips and tricks to surviving your dreaded daily commute…stay tuned for that! But I thought what would be fun and interesting was to give you examples…100 examples of the thoughts I have on a daily basis, dealing with the same idiots trying to get through another day in sunny London.

  1. Today is a good day, the commute will be easy and people won’t piss me off.
  2. There seriously can’t be this many people in London.
  3. Omg there’s hardly anyone at the station, is it a public holiday and I didn’t get the memo?
  4. I’ll get the later train as the journey time is shorter *train is delayed by 30 minutes*
  5. The trains late AGAIN?
  6. Seriously how is it late departing, there’s no one trying to get on?
  7. I’d rather travel an extra 20 minutes than have to keep changing tube lines.
  8. Is everyone else as late as I am? Why are people still travelling to work?!
  9. How am I not loosing weight from all the running I have to do.
  10. I wonder if people will notice me getting the elevator…
  11. If I put on a limp maybe they won’t judge?
  12. It’s right to stand and left to walk!
  13. Why would it make sense to be bringing all your suitcases during rush hour?! Why would you take it on the escalator instead of the lift?! You’re slowing my life down.
  14. Seriously why are there people standing on the left, the people traffic is at a standstill and I have to get to work!
  15. Yes I’ve got a large bag, I was asked to bring in a staff leaving present and I wasn’t smart enough to have it delivered to the office.
  16. I feel so ashamed every time I stand on the right on the up escalator.
  17. Oh God, why do I walk so weirdly down the escalators?
  18. *About to approach the ticket barrier* where the fuck is my Oyster card?
  19. *At the ticket barrier* please don’t decline please don’t decline.
  20. *When someone’s ticket decline* for fuck sake why don’t they check their ticket out before trying to go through the barrier? They’ve slowed everyone down now; they’ve slowed my life down!
  21. Why have they changed the platform for the train?! Do they not realize how fast I ran to get here!
  22. There’s a fucking queue system for a reason *blows up in a fit of rage*
  23. I will seriously go to jail if that stupid woman pushes in the queue again.
  24. I hope the door closes on her, Karma for not respecting the queue.
  25. If I could, I’d buy these people manners.
  26. If I give this man the death stare for pushing in front of me, maybe he will feel guilty…
  27. Why didn’t I say what I wanted to say?! Why can’t I make a scene and tell people off for being so rude?!
  28. If my calculations are correct I need to get on this carriage because when we get to the station the exit will be right outside.
  29. I’m not desperate enough to go to work that I’m going to throw myself into a tube just to get on, so I don’t appreciate it when I’m pushed into it either.
  30. There’s so much room on the carriage, why isn’t anyone moving down?! I’m going to flip my shit…ok no I don’t want to embarrass myself but I’m going to have a long rant in my head and continue to stare down at them.
  31. If I try to squeeze in people have to make room for me right? (No one moves and your bag ends up blocking the door)
  32. I hope I got on the right train.
  33. Oh my god, there is no handrail to hold on to I’m obviously going to die.
  34. Who even gets first class train on the way to work?! It’s not going to make the pain of the day better.
  35. I should have showered instead of having that extra 20 minutes in bed.
  36. Why did I insist on eating up that garlic dip last night? Maybe I should have drank my mouth wash not gurgled it?
  37. I don’t seriously need this job this bad right?
  38. Is he classed as old? Should I offer him my seat? What if he’s offended and I make him feel old?
  39. Is she pregnant?
  40. I can’t believe I just gave my seat up to a kid who isn’t even sitting down.
  41. Seriously why can’t kids just have their own tube line?
  42. I wonder if I can pretend I’m pregnant for a seat?
  43. I really didn’t want to know what that guys butt shape felt like across my back.
  44. We’re too close for comfort and we don’t even know each other’s names.
  45. I remember a time when I used to know what personal space felt like.
  46. Maybe I should bring in a book to look intelligent too.
  47. How have I yet again managed to get myself in a people sandwich on this train?
  48. I envy those who can sleep on the train and not feel ashamed.
  49. Seriously, there’s no one else on this train, why are you sitting next to me?!
  50. It’s too early for conversations; I don’t want to have a laugh about how packed the train is… I fucking know.
  51. People are looking at me like I should move over but there’s no where else to go… What do they want me to do?
  52. No matter how death-defying driving in London is, I think I may start driving to work.
  53. Who needs a waist trainer when you’ve got a packed underground on a Monday morning?
  54. Today I’m going to look outside the window and enjoy the view *the train ends up so packed you can’t see the window so you end up looking at your phone the whole time.
  55. I’m going to pretend to play on my phone just to avoid eye contact with other human beings.
  56. I want to read some stuff online but I’d be so embarrassed if my fellow commuter caught me reading about one direction.
  57. I wonder what game she’s playing…
  58. Would it be so obvious if I downloaded it on my phone now?
  59. Tall people should only be allowed to use the upper hand rails… Leave something for us short people to hold on to.
  60. If I fall into this person when we stop again, then world war tube is on.
  61. I wonder if that guy realizes everyone can hear him play angry birds? He hasn’t got headphones in.
  62. I either need a new job, or I need to move house, but that’s too much effort, I may convince my partner to have a baby with me… Hello 9 months of maternity.
  63. They should ban travelling with babies on the underground before 9am.
  64. I need to cough… Don’t cough… *coughs* great, people think I have the plague now.
  65. Why does every day feel like a constant hand rail battle with a fellow commuter?!
  66. Seriously how can we be stuck behind another red light? Why can’t they just build a tonne of tracks, aren’t they always “improving”?!
  67. They probably won’t notice if I slip into work a little late.
  68. Did I have a meeting today? Why am I always late when I have meetings!
  69. This commute would be so much more fun if we all broke out in song.
  70. I really wish I hadn’t placed my hand here… Though he doesn’t seem to mind that it’s in such an inappropriate place… Maybe he’s just not noticed.
  71. I had far different aspirations when I told my employer that I liked to travel.
  72. This is enough human contact for me today.
  73. It would be so much easier if I just didn’t have to work… Or at least if I lived closer.
  74. I wonder if anyone will notice me taking a quick power nap.
  75. Why isn’t anyone offering that kid a seat?
  76. Why isn’t anyone offering me a seat?
  77. Surely commuting everyday isn’t like this.
  78. How can we all be going the same way?!
  79. I wonder what job they have?
  80. I wonder if they enjoy their job more than me?
  81. Hey we have the same bag!
  82. Hey we have the same jacket!
  83. This commute would probably be more exciting if weren’t underground… And if I had Wi-Fi.
  84. Why is this bus going so fast do they not value my life?
  85. What is that smell?
  86. I pay so much for my travel pass and I never get a seat… Who’s the fool here?
  87. Why doesn’t anything exciting ever happen like they do on those viral videos?
  88. I wonder if people can hear my music? *Take ear phones out* Nope, it’s all in my head… And anyway I’m proud to be a Taylor Swift fan….(not)
  89. The balancing skill you need when you don’t have anything to hold on to and you’re trying not fall on the train must be the same when surfing… That must mean I’m obviously really good at surfing… Mental note, try surfing ON water.
  90. Why is this bus going so slow, I don’t have all day!
  91. People are going to want to hear about my treacherous journey to work.
  92. I think my commutes make me hate human beings.
  93. That’s it, I’m never coming to work again.
  94. Which side will the platform be?
  95. Shit that’s my stop, that’s my stop… Ah I’ll get off at the next one.
  96. Like the dog ate my homework, you can’t keep using the ‘my train was late’ excuse at work, but every morning it’s true.
  97. *When the train arrives at a different platform than originally planned* Where am I? How did I get here?*
  98. Oh god I’m not going to get to the doors before the tube departs.
  99. Why is it when you’re in a particular hurry, no one seems to move out of the way!
  100. Tomorrow I’ll leave a little earlier.

Just a word to the wise, remember that your fellow commuters are dealing with their own grind and hardships and a little common courtesy will go a long way when it comes to general commuter etiquette. Be nice, be kind, and be thoughtful.

Do something to make your parents proud today, your kids proud someday, and you proud everyday!

Peace and Love,

Jessy x

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6 thoughts on “100 Thoughts During My Daily Commute

    1. Oh god, I swear buses are only ever too early or way late! I once saw a bus driver who had pulled over, look at his watch then carried on reading even though it was time for him to go into the station, he obviously thought, I can’t be on time or else they’ll except it all the time!!! Hehe

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