WHY WEDNESDAYS: Why men are assholes!

asshole

“If we could charge people for being assholes, the nation’s debt would be paid off in no time!”
-Anon

So this is probably going to be split into 2 parts, I want to talk about the single men that are assholes, and then I want to talk about men in relationships who are assholes, I know all men aren’t assholes but from experience, I face assholes on a daily basis and I think I’ve finally figured out why.

So I’m the type of girl who gets on with guys a lot more than girls. I mean I find a lot of girls I’ve had in my life (aside from my best friends who I have known for years and love) have brought so much unnecessary drama and I feel like it’s just too much to deal with on a daily. I mean I have enough issues to face and overcome without having a sensitive girl being so overly dramatic about something that is so trivial. So I just find that the company of guys, so much more fun. I love how the guys I’ve met and befriended can just be so relaxed and chill and takes a lot of things at face value, within reason. They don’t talk in riddles, they say what’s on their minds and they don’t try to make you jump through hoops when you’re on a friend level. I just realised how contradictory this blog post is going to turn into! But let me try as hard as I can to explain what I mean.

The problem with preferring to be in the company of men is that you’re going to meet a lot of ass holes too.

I have struggled to find real men who I can feel a connection with and find a real friendship with. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a small group of strong and close guy friends that I’ve been near and dear for many years but when it comes to making new friends, it’s so much harder. Nowadays friendzoning is a real thing and people call you a tease outright if you just want to keep your friendship on that level. I mean it’s so hard for a modern woman to find a guy who is happy just staying friends. Back in the day, you could have a guy friend who you do everything with, the same as a girl would do with a girl friend, without people thinking it’s more than it is. So much so that guys expect more from women when their friendship has extended more than a few months. Being a night owl myself, I find myself on Facebook at like 2am and some guy will pop up on my chat and we’ll have a really great conversation, but then after a week of us talking on the daily, they suddenly changed their tune, that’s when nude requests come up, or they start talking about taking it beyond the chat realms and it’s so frustrating. Like what makes them think that they are entitled to taking this further all because you give them a time of day. Men can be such ass holes, I feel like if a woman demanded nude pictures there will be so much shame put on them but when a guy does it, he suddenly becomes a typical guy. What kind of message are we sending to people when we set out different standards for men and women? I’m all about equality but I just think men need to have more respect for women, then again maybe women need to respect themselves more?

I have no idea when it got so hard to make new guy friends but expectations are becoming so high. Like guys nowadays don’t want to be wasting time with a girl on a strictly platonic level if sex isn’t going to be a part of it and that’s so sad. Then if you think about dating and how hard enough it is to navigate as a normal individual. Things like tinder have made it so that men think it’s okay to use cheesy and uninteresting chat up lines to lure women into bed with them. Because ultimately that is what is on the minds of 90% of the guys on these things. It’s sad for men and women looking for real partners on these apps. I’m so thankful I haven’t experienced being single in 5 years because if these apps were around when I was single, I probably would have become, what are those people who don’t find anyone at all attractive? I don’t know, but one of those. I feel like we can joke and laugh about tinder nightmares but honestly, I bet a lot of those assholes on those apps are being themselves and that makes it such a scary thought. It’s so sad to think these assholes are spending so much time trying to think of creative ways to bed as many people as they can rather than thinking of ways to better themselves as human beings. I hate dating tools period, I just find it so unnerving and I don’t trust it, not that I don’t believe love stories can come from there because my best friend has married and started a family with a stranger she met online, but if truth be told, I feel like she’s an exception and happily ever after stories are very rare.

Men are such ass holes when dating because so many are so shallow and are so stuck in their own ways. I feel like women are more committed and when dating will see how things are going and their compatibility before exploring other avenues but guys, well, they’re less inclined to be looking for the real deal so want to have more options than they actually need.

Then you have men who are in relationships. My partner Hubert, well I feel like he’s almost so perfect for me that I fell in love with him within days of knowing him. I think I completely got lucky and no other man compares to him in my eyes. But can he be an asshole? Sure! We still have little disagreements that we had back when we first met and you’d think after 5 years things would change. Does he still forget to text if he’s going to be late to anything, yes! In arguments does he get petty? Yes! Hubert is an asshole and he knows it, why? Because he’s a guy! I think by nature men are less emotional than girls and I know I said I hated how emotional girls are but I also hate how guys show such little emotion it’s frustrating. For example, Hubert is very free in his openness and ability to connect, he will tell me how he feels easily but he finds it hard to understand when something can upset another person. A main sticking point for us is when he decides to stay late at work and he doesn’t bother to tell me, he forgets that if I’m home first I will have dinner ready for him and that yes 10 minutes makes a difference if you’re baking a pie in the oven. Attention to detail seems lost in men and that is probably to do with their amazing but frustrating ability to do as they please without concern for others. I guess I’m just talking from my experience with men.

Here are 10 examples of asshole behaviour that asshole men exhibit;

  1. They don’t understand boundaries and grounds for cheating.

    So guys can be guys and have girl friends too. Guys aren’t as critical or picky as women are, they can probably see a woman without seeing her as a sexual object, and on the rare occasion that this happens, they can form a friendship with this woman. What they don’t realise is that when you have a serious relationship, your friendship with that other woman has to change. So sometimes boundaries are lost in all the confusion. Men and women can be friends sure, but when romantic relationships are formed with other people, things cannot continue with how it used to be. Men don’t seem to understand that late night bar friend dates won’t be considered innocent when you have a partner waiting for you at home and those nights when she used to have a bad date and call you up won’t be appreciated by the person sleeping beside you.

  2. Communication to them means a completely different thing to women.

    I read this book where it said that men and women have different ways of communicating. Women communicate through emotion and talking whilst men communicate through physical acts. In my relationship I truly believe this is the case and in, many others too. Men can be so tunnel visioned that they don’t realise that what is satisfactory to them may not be so with women, when relationships start to break down it’s often because 1 or more people in the relationship aren’t being met. Often the sex life is linked to communication, men often see the relationship breaking down when the sex stops, but actually it probably started to fall apart way before then, it’s important that men communicate with their partner through words and not just the physical things.
  3. Their idea of quality time is different too.

When my partner and I work long shifts, we often only have time to get ready for bed together before we have to go to sleep. There can be long stretches of time when we can barely have a conversation before one of us falls asleep, that’s normal for a working couple to follow by but it can be dangerous for your relationship. Quality time isn’t about the amount of time you spend together but the depth in which you can both connect. Men don’t often realise that watching tv or having dinner isn’t enough to rate time spent together as ‘good quality’. It’s important for both the men and the women to take some time out of their lives to truly bond with their partner.

  1. They don’t have the same amount of consideration for their partners.

I think this goes back to how men and women communicate differently. Again men have a different level of consideration. Sometimes they can act on their whim rather than thinking about things long term. Their consideration for their partners can often be a little different and this starts the whole, does he like me less than I like him? Unfortunately guys don’t have the same thought processes as women so their actions and choices may reflect in a negative way.

  1. They don’t show flexibility.

Men tend to be less adventurous than women, fact. When it comes to trying something new or being able to explore a new idea, they struggle to go out of their comfort zone. This often means the woman will spend a lot of time doing what the man wants to do or what is mutually enjoyable for the both of them rather than feeling like she also has the chance to show what she enjoys to her partner.

  1. They think they’re the best boyfriend in the world.

I think men have God complexes where they think they’re so good at what they do and that their partner is so lucky to have them. They may forget 5 anniversaries but the one anniversary they do remember and they will remind you of that forever. They may not ask you how your day was for a month but then one night they actually strike up a conversation and suddenly they think they deserve a boyfriend of the year award. What they fail to see is their partner regularly maintaining the boyfriend and girlfriend duties simultaneously, guys need to be told when they’re being a shitty boyfriend, but also have some consideration that they also need to receive praise when praise is due.

  1. They’re always right.

With the God complex comes the ‘I’m always right’ complex. Arguments are often futile with assholes like this because no matter how right you are, they will always be more right than you.

  1. The boys are also always right.

But heaven forbid that they’re wrong for once, and then chances are, his boys are right so by association he is right too. So basically in these types of assholes, you’re often going out with him and his group, and his group probably consist of assholes like him.

  1. They don’t try to understand emotion.

If you don’t see it then it doesn’t matter. I actually had an asshole ex boyfriend say this to me. Anything he couldn’t see he would take no notice off and would often advice me not to worry about what I couldn’t see. So hindsight he was probably outwardly telling me that he was cheating without saying so but oh well, I lived and survived that life. But this also counts with emotion. People can be so good at hiding emotion whilst others are not, but often men are so terrible at seeing and understanding emotion. They often bail before anything real is involved but if they can’t seem to cut ties, they will point blank ignore the emotion you’re feeling and will struggle to help you emotionally. That’s okay though, because they’re still the best boyfriend in the world, at least that’s what they will believe.

  1. The way they look to other people is so important that sometimes you can seem the unreasonable one.

I think what frustrates me about modern day ‘men’ or as I like to call them, present day ass holes, is this nature to want to preserve their manhood. Like they are too good to be holding your handbag when it becomes too heavy, or hate the idea of going to the cinema to see a romantic comedy all because they don’t want to run the risk of actually enjoying a chick flick. But honestly, is it that bad? Is it so embarrassing to admit you like to take care of your skin, or that you like to dress nice or that hell, you like to have your nails done because bitten down grubby nails is oh so masculine?

So here is why I think men are assholes. Gender stereotypes. I love equality, but I also love the idea of big strong men helping ladies when they need and want the help. But gender stereotypes of saying that men must be one thing are turning these men into assholes. I think with how society is evolving but trying so hard to retain masculine values, we’re slowly forming asshole hybrids and it’s so stupid. Men should be able to feel masculine but also go on spa trips with their partner’s. Men should be able to communicate openly and freely without having other men take away man points all because he wanted to be authentically loving. I think back in the day, Charles Darwin’s theory on how the strong survive whilst the weak will become a needless race shouldn’t be valid when it comes to relationships. Maybe with evolution, but the evolution of relationships should stop with the whole lines and regulations and allow people to grow as organically as possible.

Men are assholes because of the rules and expectation held up to them, women shouldn’t put them on a pedestal and expect them to perform like a dancing monkey. Men should quit it with the man points and just behave like they are contributing to the human race. Men are assholes because society will have us believe that they should be assholes, men are assholes because we allow them to be, whether there’s a man or woman who broke them, a parent who taught them wrong or peers who encourage them to do so, men are assholes because men have such terrible reputation and the wrong type of people applaud the ‘laddish’ behaviour, but ultimately, some men are assholes, because they are, just like some women are bitches because they want to be.

Always remember…

Do something to make your parents proud today, your kids proud someday but most importantly, you proud every day!

Peace and Love

Jessy x

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