My Dad’s relationship with my boyfriend

7ad1f827b7fea461097ec2065c62ffc2-650-80

“I love your Dad because of how strong, loving and hardworking he is. He’s my inspiration.”
-Hubert about my Dad

The whole idea of finding a person to fall in love with and spend the rest of your life with used to totally freak me out. I’m the kind of person who absolutely hates change when it comes to my personal life, I like the comfort of having a familiar life, that’s just how I am. I have a very close relationship with my family and as much as I love them so much, they are all very judgmental. Don’t get me wrong I’m probably the most judgmental of them all, but none of my mine or my sister’s boyfriends/girlfriends, ever passed the test with our family and whilst it didn’t affect our relationship too much it did ultimately shape the type of partner’s we sought after.

Speaking from my experience, I deviated from what my Sister’s looked for. I went through a rebellion stage in my teen years, like so many girls do, but I was so adamant that I would date the sort of guys who would define, parent’s nightmares. For me it was fun, just the thought of my parent’s uncomfortably sitting with myself and my partner, knowing they hated them satisfied a dark side of me.

Despite our relationship improving when I moved to University, I was still very selfish in the way I lived. I didn’t really think much about what qualities I looked for in a partner, heck I didn’t even think about wanting anything long term.

I knew one thing was for sure, the kind of guy I wanted to date was still very much the parents worst nightmare type, I was in that frame of mind where I thought Uni was all about exploring and wanting to date the kind of guys I couldn’t take home to my parents, why? Because for the first time in my life I didn’t have to hang out with this person in front of them and I could be and act however I wanted to without feeling like I was disappointing them.

One night, I decided to stay at home whilst my housemates wanted to go out for one of our friend’s birthday. The birthday celebrant insisted I went out for a couple of drinks but I tried so hard to resist, I was tired, I had things to do but mostly it was because they were going to go to a club that I wasn’t that interested in. But as determined, as I was to be good and stay at home, the allure of partying with friends was too strong and I went out anyway.

At the time I had a friend’s with benefits relationship with a guy who would probably be my parent’s idea of a joke. Here’s why; he was dumb as a door knob, not just intelligence wise but also he had no common sense, he was a bit of a mummy’s boy and I know a guy like my Dad would find it hilarious. My Dad is the sweetest and kindest man but he’s a rugby player, he has a boyish kind of harsh humour and he likes people who enjoy a laugh. The problem with… let’s call him Xander was he was too much of a princess to take jokes, particularly ones aimed at him. That night we were having issues with our non-written agreement. He didn’t like the idea of me being with other guys but also couldn’t accept that he didn’t have as much game as I did. I don’t say that proudly but that’s just the truth of it. He couldn’t find other girls and in turn hated that I could. He spent the night winding me up, purposely flirting with girls, catching my attention and making me watch. I wasn’t jealous, it was more irritating. I was annoyed that he could be so petty when I knew if I did it back he would have gotten horribly drunk and bitched about me to the guys in our house, then my reputation for being a bitch would be further backed up. Great.

So I tried to have a good night, getting progressively drunk and frustrated, it was not a good combination at all. Then I met him. Hubert. After a few hours of bumping into each other and just smiling, having light hearted chats over the loud thumping music, I decided I had had enough and wanted to go home. As I made my way to the exit of the club, I bumped into Hubert. We chatted for a few minutes and I explained to him that I wanted to go home, I asked if he wanted to come back with me. I expected him to say yes, all I wanted was to have sex and feel better about myself, can you tell how low my self-esteem was?

I was surprised and amused when he agreed but insisted that he was just going to walk me home to make sure I was safe. I laughed at how lame his excuse was but when we got to the front door, he bid me goodnight. Unfortunately, due to my drunken stupor, I was unable to open my own front door. The sound of us trying to navigate the locks. My housemate and her boyfriend stuck their head out of the kitchen window, she cheered and shouted something but I was too drunk to hear what she had said. I just put it down to her being drunk, but it could have also been because I’d been caught bringing a boy home, or more like, a guy bringing me home. So Hubert took me to my room and tucked me in, I asked him to stay for a while and like a gentleman, he stood up talking to me. I insisted he sit down which he did, and there we were talking for hours until the sun came up.

That night we talked about anything and everything, I figured I’d never ever see him again so I thought why not, let him see the real me, ugly and flawed. I talked about my fears, my hatred for what I was doing. I admitted my promiscuity was due to my feeling empty and how hard I was finding the transition from being around my family and friends to then suddenly live with strangers. We talked and talked and honestly the more I learned about him, the more I saw him as a human being rather than a would-be one-night stand. We talked about our family and our life outside of University, it honestly was so refreshing to have a good and honest conversation with this stranger. Even with this weird but wonderful connection we felt, I only told him my name when it came out by accident as I was retelling a story about my best friend.

If you’ve read any of my previous blogs about Hubert you’ll know how this plays out. Basically after a few hit and misses we started officially dating, and ultimately fell in love.

After about 6 months of dating, we went home for the Summer, being apart for so long felt like a nightmare and so I invited Hubert to visit our part of the UK. He lived in London and I lived in Devon so we were a good 4 hours apart. I was so nervous as I was afraid that my parents would be mad that I was dating so I asked for permission for a friend of mine from University to come over and stay for a week. My parents agreed but insisted that I prepare the spare room for him to stay in. I mean that makes sense seeing as to them we were just friends.

When Hubert finally came over, my parent’s were surprised to realise that he was actually my boyfriend. They were angry at me that I wasn’t honest with them, but to my surprise, they really liked him. That first visit, my Dad and Hubert would talk about the taboo topics like politics and history. Hubert played rugby just like my Dad and actually had a lot in common with each other. They talked a lot but part of me felt like my Dad was just humouring him for me. His first visit went relatively pain-free but I still had to deal with lying to my parents and disobeying their rules by sneaking him into my room at night when they insisted he stay in his own room.

The next encounter my Dad had with Hubert was when my parent’s visited us at University. It was only a short visit but somehow my Dad and Hubert found the time to go to the pub together for the first time. I was so scared because I just had no idea what would happen when they got drunk together, what kinds of conversations could they have? They came home that night both very very drunk and in high spirits. That was pretty much the start of their pub dates with each other though they’d probably cringe at the fact that I called it that.

Pretty much every time they got together, they would head to the pub like two old College buddies, and I didn’t mind, it made me happy that my Dad was so accepting of Hubert.

But it wasn’t until one very bad argument we had that I realised just how much my Dad cared about Hubert. My Dad is often silent when it comes to mine and my sister’s relationship, he doesn’t often voice his opinion until the end of a relationship and for sure does not meddle when it comes to arguments and our significant others. In tears I called my Dad, I don’t even know why but I insisted that I was going to come home for a break and poured my heart out. After patiently listening, my Dad told me to cry it out and once I had calmed down talk to Hubert and explain why I was upset. My Dad talked me through how I needed to handle the situation and sympathetically told me I needed to mature up because Hubert was a good man and that he would take care of me if I allowed him to. My Dad whilst providing support for me was also sticking up for a man he barely knew, but that would become how he talked about Hubert from then on.

Any arguments, or fights my Dad would remind me what a good guy Hubert was, how he cared about him and could see that Hubert was honest and loving. My Dad will always be the first to stick up for Hubert and actually gets excited anytime he comes to visit.

In return, I see that Hubert takes comfort in the advice and guidance my Dad gives him. They really are like old College friends with always so much to catch up on when they’re together. What made me fall even more in love with Hubert was that he could see exactly why I love my Dad. He can see my Dad as the head of the household and a hard working provider, the day Hubert told me my Dad was his inspiration I cried so hard because I finally felt like the two most important men in my life were united. I never imagined that not only would my Dad accept my partner but also love him.

I think about all the worries and fears I had about Hubert and my Dad but actually I didn’t have anything to worry about.

I know it’s kind of sick to say but you know that saying that people with ‘Daddy issues’ often marry their ‘father’ basically marry someone who resembles their Dad, but Hubert is so much like my Dad it’s insane. They share so many of the same morals, ideas, likes and dislikes, interests, hobbies. It’s funny, but in trying to find someone completely different to my Dad I actually found someone who is basically his twin. But it’s all for good, though, if Hubert one day becomes a father like my Dad then I know he will be fantastic and I couldn’t be any luckier.

Thinking about how it could have gone, I would say that for the histories of Dad’s meeting their daughter’s boyfriend’s I’ve been so blessed. Blessed that not only can my Dad and Hubert bond because of their connection to me but also that they have found mutual ground on their similarity and joy for life.

Sometimes I laugh because I feel like if Hubert and I ever broke up, my Dad would probably be more upset than me. But it’s all a healthy relationship, though, my Dad has from time to time had to tell not just me but Hubert off if we get into any silly arguments, it’s like he can act like the voice of reason when we’re both being stubborn.

Over all, I’m just so happy that my Dad and Hubert can have a friendship and enjoy each other’s company (well I mean they must do, the amount of times I’ve caught them napping in the garden together last summer)

Was your experience introducing your partner to your Dad similar to mine? Did yours go worse? Do you have any funny stories of their first meeting? I’d love to hear your experience, this is the first time I’ve introduced my Dad officially to a boyfriend so I have no idea how they can go! Comment below, I’d love to hear from you!

Always remember…

Do something to make your parents proud today, your kids proud someday but most importantly, you proud every day!

Peace and Love

Jessy x

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s