My Boyfriend’s relationship with my Mother

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“The best part of life is when your family become your friends and your friends become your family.”
– Robin Roberts

I think one of the scariest moments for a daughter is to introduce her boyfriend to her Mum, especially if your Mum is anything like mine. I mean I love my Mum more than anything in this world, I count myself as incredibly lucky to have been raised by such a strong, independent, brave and selfless person, but I do have to say my Mum can make very quick judgments about people. Don’t get me wrong my Mum has incredible, skill for sussing bad people out, she doesn’t need to run a background check on somebody to know that they’re bad news and over the years when my sisters and I have listened to her we have been saved a lot of time and heartache. The problem is because she’s proven time and time again that her way of viewing people is right, she has felt no reason to change it. My Mum is such a nice person but when she decides that she doesn’t like someone, it’s often hard to change her mind about them, even if on the rare occasion that she is wrong about her judgement, there is no changing her mind, needless to say, it’s quite a scary thing to introduce her to people that we hope to have in our lives long term.

So when I met Hubert, and we fell in love, I knew that him meeting my Mum was inevitable. I couldn’t even begin to explain to you just how much I love my Mum, her and my two sisters are the most important women in my life so her opinion matters a lot. The trouble I was facing was when I finally got the nerve to plan my parents meeting Hubert, I had already decided that he was my soul mate and we had already begun to plan our life together. So if their meeting didn’t go very well, it would really affect my relationship with my boyfriend. I have to admit, I wasn’t as worried about my Dad meeting Hubert, he is a lot more chilled out than my Mum and is open to getting to know someone before deciding what he thinks about a person, he also gives people chances too, he has an open mind. My Mum makes the situation a very scary one, and I felt like I had to prep Hubert before he met, but in the end, I decided not to because I believed what would happen would happen and I wanted their meeting and their potential relationship to be as authentic as possible.

When they finally met, it was like I had spent so long worrying about nothing. My Mum was silent but welcoming for the first few days, but then on the third day, Hubert asked my Mum if she wanted to sing karaoke with him, I never told him that she loved to sing karaoke, he probably just guessed because she’s Filipino and Filipino’s love to sing karaoke. But from the moment they both picked up their microphones, it was like a mother and son bond formed and so did their mutual love for singing. From that day forward, every time we visit, they always spend several evenings singing with each other.

I knew from his first visit that my Mum liked and respected Hubert, but I didn’t realise just how much she loves him until mine and Hubert’s first big fight. Against better judgement and already knowing full well that if my Mum was angered by Hubert’s behaviour, it could well and truly change her mind about him forever, I called her up, hysterical, crying down the phone, telling her what had happened but only really giving one side of the story. So there I was crying to her, making Hubert sound like an ass, and she was silent for a few moments when I finally finished telling her my story, I heard her take a long sigh before giving me some motherly advice. “Hubert is a good man, you need to be a little more patient and understanding.” She said softly trying to soothe me. The next 30-minute conversation involved me listening to how she knew that Hubert was a good person with good intentions and that he looked after me so well; she ended the conversation with “I love him very much.” As if the conversation didn’t already make me realise that she supported him 100% and from knowing and raising me, she knew how dramatic I am and how quickly things can escalate with me, I knew that on this particular time (and many others) she was not on my side. But in all seriousness, my Mum has always had my back, she’s always supported me, so when she takes Hubert’s side, I know that there is something that I am not quite seeing, that there is perhaps a bigger picture.

All in all, in my 5-year relationship with Hubert, his relationship with my Mum has gone from strength to strength. I think Hubert represents the son that my Mum never had but always wanted. She always makes sure that when we come to visit, she cooks his favourite food, that he’s well taken care of, that he has enough sleep and is rested. My Mum has been incredibly supportive of our relationship and has in the past even told me how devastated she would be if we split up. I have to say how comforting it is to watch them together, to watch their genuine friendship with each other, how it’s very clear they do enjoy each other’s company and I love to see my Mum light up when Hubert drags her to the sitting room to sing karaoke, watch a movie or even just for a chat. I love how Hubert is my Mum’s personal taste tester when she’s cooking dinner, or how helpful and gentlemanly he is when we’re out shopping. I honestly couldn’t ask for a more special relationship and having that support from my Mum has really helped Hubert and I out through difficult time. I feel like in a way my Mum has gotten her son, and Hubert likes having a second Mum.

Having the approval and support of parent’s is so important when it comes to having a healthy and long lasting relationship, to know that you have other people who are cheering your relationship on, praying for you both to stay happy and successful together, well it eases some pressure and I feel so blessed to have such a great support system.

All in all, it’s simply wonderful to watch my relationship grow with Hubert, but also the growth of my Mum and Hubert’s relationship, it’s just so special to have your family love your partner just as much as you do and to know that whenever things get tough, you have people who can be their shoulder to lean on makes a huge difference.

I’m very lucky my Mum and Hubert have such a great friendship and I know he loves her just as much as I do.

Always remember…

Do something to make your parents proud today, your kids proud someday but most importantly, you proud every day!

Peace and Love

Jessy x

 

 

 

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