“Since the day I was born, my father encouraged me to find my own strength, follow my own heart, and live my own life.
He wasn’t naïve to the gender inequalities I would continuously face as I grew up, so one factor in my life became non-negotiable: my education. He knew a solid education was liberating, inalienable and enduring. It was the key to maximising my full potential and protecting my independence.”
So here it is… I’m the Khloe Kardashian’s of my sister, my older sister, is the more mature and at times monotone beauty that is Kourtney, my younger sister is beautiful and business savvy, dramatic, and an ugly crier like Kim, me? I’m the one you don’t mess with, mainly because I’m crazy but also because I don’t forget those who have wronged me. I find it hard to get in touch with my emotions which some see as weakness but I personally see as a great way to protect myself and to avoid getting hurt.
But in all our Kardashian similarities, one thing is the most clear to me, I am the Khloe Kardashian of the family because I, like Khloe, look nothing like my siblings, and could easily have been born from a different father.
You see my sister’s and I have a Filipino mother and an English father. Whilst my sisters are towering tall, with their long legs, milky skin and western features, there’s me, walking at a lowly 5 ft 1, short stumpy legs that can barely keep up when we’re walking together, being forced into high heels just to feel a little taller, with my dark tanned skin and asianer than Asian features. I don’t question my maternal background because I look very much like my Mum, or at least we both look Filipino, I resemble my relatives on my Mother’s side, but I have no similarities with my Father.
My sister’s eyes are brown, like my Father’s but my eyes are very dark brown that you can barely see the darks of my pupils. Both my sister’s had curly/wavy hair like my Dad and my Mum whereas my hair is naturally stick straight. My sister’s both inherited my Dad’s height, so it’s like my Mum and I are in a family of giants. When we’re walking together people know my sister’s are sisters, but in more than a couple of occasions my older sister and I have had a guy hit on both of us not realising we know each other, let alone are sisters.
I really am the black sheep of the family, or to be more accurate, out of my sister’s and I, I am the Asian one of the family and that’s including my half sister who is Thai.
It’s not that I’m not proud of my Asian heritage, I am, I think it adds a little mystery and spice into my life and I feel so blessed to have a mixed background, it makes me feel rich with culture.
But is it too much to ask to be a little more like my Father? Why does it bother me so much? I guess it’s because all 4 of my siblings have inherited so much from my Dad’s gene pool, yes I guess I’ve always been a Mummy’s girl, but I can’t help but wonder if it was because my lack of similarities with my Father stopped me from bonding with him like my siblings did?
I can’t even tell you how many years it bothered me.
When I was about 10 I was convinced that I may have been adopted or at least that I was an accidental baby with another man. My Mum spent years denying always getting defensive which makes her sound way more guilty, but if you knew my Mum you would know she wouldn’t dream of being with anyone other than my Father (aww, isn’t that romantic!)
Over the years I’ve thought about how I could have a different father out there, during bad times this thought comforted me, but as my relationship with my Dad improved as I got older, I actually found that biological or not, this man is my Daddy. This is the bit when my Mum rolls her eyes because as she’s told me a millions times already my Dad is my Dad.
I mean I question my paternity so much because they say that the Asian features are dominant to that of a Westerner, and yet my sister’s look mixed yes, but you wouldn’t be able to guess correctly straight away, whereas me, you’d know I was Asian straight away, you’d even know I was Filipino, but you wouldn’t question my heritage because there is no evidence that I have an English father (apparently, according to my Mum anyway).
I will be honest and say, that whilst I’ve been nit picky about my looks and features, my Dad and I do have a lot of shared interests. We both love to read, in fact one of our favourite activities to do is to go to Charity shops (where they sell pre-owned books and other things, but we go for the books for sure!) pick up a stack of books that we want to read, sit down in the living room and read in silence for hours. We both like running and back in the day I used to go running with him, now he runs on his own everyday. We were very sporty people, interested in the same music.
Then a year ago, I noticed I did something the same as my Dad, we both had the same level of impatience and temper when it came to being late or having to wait for late comers, in fact we acted the same in that sense that we even said the same thing. My Dad is a Mummy’s boy like me. We both enjoy picnics rather than sit down restaurant meals, we prefer comedies, particularly stupid ones that other people might not get. My Dad and I have the same temper, we have the same go-to phrases, we say the same things without even meaning too. I get my dramatic personality from my Mum but most other parts of me when it comes to my behaviour or outlook comes from my Dad. Whilst I’m grateful for the similarities even if you can’t see them, I do question whether you can learn behaviours? Which of course you can, but I mean, the character traits, could I have simply learned that from my Dad rather than it being passed on to me because I’m his child?
So my question is, why do I look nothing like my Dad? Why do my siblings all look like my Dad in some way shape or form but me, I could have just as easily been adopted?
I mean it doesn’t stop the bond I feel with my Dad, but I feel little Khloe Kardashianish, why? I guess because the question makes you feel a little left behind and alienated. It’s not a nice feeling to feel like you don’t belong.
But that’s more to do with me though, never have my family tried to make me feel like I don’t fit in, because out of the 3 sisters, I have the most western personality, take my sister back to our farm in the Philippines please, ha, I’m joking, but yes, my sister’s are both very good girls with great morals and have not had to go through their teen years rebelling because they had something to prove. In fact both inherited the good stuff about being Filipino so I’m glad they still feel very much connected to our heritage.
But seriously, why do I look nothing like my Dad? Why did I inherit next to no genes from him? Even my niece looks like my sisters and my Dad. I almost can’t wait to have kids so that I finally have people who look like me, but knowing my luck, they’ll look like Hubert and he’s as white as they come. Here’s to hoping that at least one of my children takes after me or the tradition will be ruined!
Anyway truthfully, I’ve learned to accept how different I look a long time ago, never has my looks or lack of similarities with my father affected our relationship, he’s treated me the same and shows the same amount of love and affection as expected from a supportive father. I’m grateful to have such a strong relationship with him, father or not, he’s given me so much love and blessings that I have never felt like I missed out on anything when it comes to the father department. Honestly I’m grateful to have my family of mixed colours, races, genders, backgrounds, interests, looks etc. We’re a typical modern family who embrace every diversity that makes our family rich with knowledge and culture.
My Dad says it isn’t our looks that makes us family but the love we share, and if that’s the case, we must be the funniest looking, closest, happiest family there is, we may have all walked different paths but we sure love each other through and through.
Do something to make your parents proud today, your kids proud someday but most importantly, you proud every day!
Peace and Love
Ps. Remember you can watch our new video about our Blended Family on:
Or read the accompanying blog post here:
Alternatively you can watch our first video about our Interracial Relationship on:
And feel free to read the first accompanying blog post here:
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